I heard this Holiday card read on the Dr. Larua show and thought it was funny. Please enjoy.
Please accept with no obligation implied or explicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday practiced with-in the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice.
With respect for the religious secular persuasions and/or traditions of others or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2009 but not without due respect for the calendars of choice for other cultures who’s contributions to society have helped make America great, not to imply that America is necessarily greater then any other country, nor the only America in the western hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.
In other words, Merry Christmas.
Transcript from the Dr. Laura Show, January 5, 2009.
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Good News And Bad News
Good News And Bad News
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Mary replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Mary replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
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